MY BRAIN IS MADE OF THINGS MADE OF GOLD

Five-Dollar Footlongs

I'm sorry, I just had to do one. 

In my defense, I strongly believe that you only get to blame awkward gesticulation on torture you endured as a POW if you stood with your principles and resisted political bullying from the Bush cronies who want to allow the US government to torture POWs.  If you caved, well, then you were just a victim of early adapter's syndrome.

Harsh, but fair.

Tops & Bottoms

Bottom courts rejoice!

Seriously, that's about as intellectual as I'm prepared to get at the moment.  Just wait until I reveal my montage of John McCain photos showing off his all-purpose "Five Dollar Footlong" gesture.

Putting the "Me" in Meta

I'm sure there's some knife-sharp, topical insight hiding behind my eyes just waiting to tear its way out through my fingers but, unfortunately for all those who would willingly be stabbed to brilliance by my mind, my fingers are pretty tough right now.  One more week of internal knife-fights it is.

Off-handedly, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly should have won best picture.  End of discussion.

Just you wait, something will happen soon and then I'll be all up on it.  Until then, I'll offer just a few more unchallengeable statements before this blog returns to being essentially non-essential reading.

• Whenever I look at cars that I'd consider buying I feel the same sense of premorse as I do when I look at an iPod or cellphone mid-product cycle.
• When expertly practiced, premorse is almost indistinguishable from patience.
• The CTA is a truly godawful mode of transportation.  Just when you think there couldn't be anything worse than the bus you transfer to the Blue line.
• No matter how early I leave, 8:45 is when I will arrive at work.  The space time continuum just won't let me get to work any earlier.
• The Riches, Battlestar Galactica, and 30 Rock are fantastic shows.  Law & Order is not.

See you in 2009!

Gone Gone Gone

The xA (first seen here) is officially an ex-car as of this morning.  It was a good little bastard and far too well-maintained to be stricken so early but in Illinois there are three things which are "for certain": death, taxes, and horrible Illinois drivers.  I'm just thankful I wasn't killed in an accident on tax day.

All in all, it was just a but sad to see a car with so much potential and such good gas mileage get scraped but new car potential is being evaluated even now.

CNN: In on the joke

Click on that handy little t-shirt icon next to selected stories and you too can own a piece of shlock journalism.

I'm not saying that it isn't a clever bit of counter-current marketing, it's just that with so many important issues at hand, just begging for the media to report with proper regard, CNN seems more intent on becoming the less-hip Threadless than actually fulfilling their stated purpose.

Now if I could get Quicklaugh question t-shirts, well, let's just say I wouldn't mind that CNN has been complicit in misleading the American public on the war.

UPDATE: Even more fantastic, the copy is generated by the URL, so just tweak the addy and you can make your own CNN shirts.

Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.

Point A/Point B

From c-a-r to c-t-a in a week.

On the plus side, the Blue Line is a totally improved beast since last I rode professionally.  At least half that improvement has to be attributed to the pioneering new strategy of riding into the loop from the south and avoiding the whole Chicago station 6-train wait.  Now all I need is an ipod to block out the leaking sound of everyone else's ipod making them deaf.

Oh yeah, and to not work 14 hours a day.  Whaterrrr.

Walking Away

Getting ready to meet the family ladies out for Easter brunch I spent a bit of my morning dipping in and out of Sunday political talk on TV and radio, much of it rather unimaginatively recapping the situation between Obama and his pastor, Dr. Wright.  While some of the conversation was positively sane by political chatter standards, there is a particular line of criticism that seems to have already become unchallengeable evidence of Obama's implicit endorsement of Pastor Wright's remarks, namely, that Obama didn't just get up and leave, so he must have agreed, either that or he's feeble-minded.

Okay, if that's the standard then I'd like to hear John McCain defend his enduring membership in the Republican party despite his distaste for some of Bush's policies—certainly his professed opposition to enshrining torture as accepted practice isn't the first. 

I mean comeon, if when judged by the media's standard, Obama's mere attendance in church signals endorsement (or stupidity), what then does Senator McCain's political career as a Republican mean, especially when you consider that, as a Senator, he certainly enjoyed more opportunity to influence his party's leaders than Obama enjoyed as a congregation member.

Hell, if McCain can answer that I'll give him a pass on his feelings about the truly hateful and bigoted remarks of his own cadre of religious surrogates; after all, if the media can, why shouldn't I?

The Multi-Purpose "G" and Narwha?

What can I say, sometimes stores with one sale need a logo and droplets need to be narwhals.  I fully expect to be an internets millionaire any day now.

My First World Problems, Let Me Show You Them; Vol. 5

A short lesson is releasing information, drafted from my humble experience:

Don't send out an internal memo announcing your new "innovative venture on the web" a whole day before the site is actually live and accessible.  One day in internets time is like a million years.  Don't believe me? I just forgot about thirty "innovative ventures on the web" in the time it took to write this.

High Five

"Don't leave me hangin' bro."

Seriously?

Seer-e-us-lee?

Some presidents go all second-semester senior in their lame duck years, they play golf with dignitaries, they start working on pet projects or pushing legacy legislation; Bush on the other hand seems to have decided to spend his remaining days in office auditioning for the role of Ta'xet. 

Straight on into darkness I guess.