I say her name like I would have said fuck when I hear the bones crunch together against the leg of the chair. I stretch my hands like this: fist, open hand, tighter fist, wider open hand and hear my knuckles crack. The toe next to smallest on the order is bruised a brownish purple but that is all beneath the sock for now. I breathe in through my nose and hold my hands over my face to make night out of aggravating day.I want to sleep but the heat and heaviness of all that blood throbs and aches. I hold it, I squeeze it, I press it and release it, I dream of cutting it off. Warmer than the rest, on this cold foot, it feels alien. Behind my eyelids, even with all the lights turned off, my room is red and orange with white spots in the corners. 
In my ears I can hear the static hum of my body scolding me for letting this happen. After 24 years I should have learned to avoid such painful things. I should learn better to watch where I walk. Or maybe I should get rid of everything that could hurt me when I smash into it.
There is some new old stuff posted on I Shot NY. Anyone want some banner art done? Howsabout a postcard?...since I can't sleep I really have nothing to do but watch Lovely & Amazing, read Nick Hornby, and listen to Tiara.
Happy Birthday to those people born on, on, or yesterday a long time ago.
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