These Colors Don't Run...Or Speak Spanish...Except For When Talking To The Help Or Quoting Taco Bell Commercials

Despite not having much to say about the debate over the Spanish-language version of the US National Anthem, I'm still going to say something about it.  New content is new content, no?

The translated version has been getting a lot of hype on local news here in Chicago and I've seen reports filed for broadcast by both CBS and the BBC World News (far and away the winner of the which-news-to-watch battle royale) but, despite the coverage, I guess I didn't realize that it was a big deal; afterall, there are a myriad of truly important stories (illegal wiretapping investigations, genocide in Darfur, the systemic corruption of the current Administration, blah blah blah) which get scant coverage in the TV news.  Inverse proportionality I guess; but whaterr. 

My thoughts on the translation: Go right-the-fuck ahead, translate it into Kligon for all I care.  Hell, there's a better chance that I know all the words to "Varsity" (The UW's slow-rock tribute ballad) than I do the National Anthem.  Throw two beers into the mix and you're more likely to hear me sing "America The Beautiful" than the "Star-Spangled Banner," add two more beers and you're getting "La Marseillaise;" like it or not. 

So, why do I hate America so much that I'd let the Spanish language tongue-rape the sweet, English lyrics that I've sung, more-or-less correctly, for two-and-a-half decades?  Trick question jerk-ass, I don't hate American; I love America.  I love America so much that I could care less how you fucking sing about loving it; Spanish, Polish, German, French, fall-down-drunk at a baseball game, whaterr.  Goddamn, if you've got love for America in your heart, you can burp the mo-fo.

Honestly, I can't think of a single reason a sane person would object to this translation.  And so, this last half is dedicated to residents of "The South" (both geographically and mentally).

This shit ain't Proust or Derrida, it's a goddamn national anthem, it's essentially a story-prayer: the narrative is structurally concise and the icons mentioned are fundamentally obvious; it is therefore unspoilable by translation.  Seriously, I thought we resolved this in Vatican II.  Sure, the Latin may sound better to the ears (oh, it soo does), but it's the same liturgy in the vernacular, Engrish, ring-tone, or even fucking Binary Code.  You take away from it what you were looking to take away.  If you're a vaguely-racist, ignorant little douche like G Dubs, then sure, the Spanish-language version may not carry the same weight as the English version (or whatever language it is that our "decider" likes to speak in); but if you're an adult, it's all there, just waiting for you.  Speaking of which, I wonder what Bush thinks of the National Anthem translated into American Sign Language?

My guess: He doesn't think about deaf people at all except to wonder what all the quiet ones are  fidgeting about.  And "Vatican II"?  He'd probably ask you to TiVo it for him when it runs on TBS this weekend, 'cuz he's pretty sure he's seen the first and liked it.

Now, if you want to talk about really loving America, talk about this: Why the hell haven't we as a nation bought the exclusive rights to that horrid, Lee Greenwood, "Proud to be American" piece-of-garbage and  translated it into some other language just so I never have to hear "and I'll proudly STAND. UP..." sung in my native tongue  ever-the-fuck again?  And that 9-11 remix they did?  The one with soundbites of Bush, Blair, and some dopey TV anchors waxing patriotic?  I'd pay Make Love, Not Debt-wedding-kind of money just to have that version shot into space.  If you really loved America, you'd make this happen.

Finally, as for these racist hicks that insist that "it's err antherm an it shuh be sang in err language."  Well, once those inbred (both intelectually and genetically) hicks decide to start taking down all those MOTHER-FUCKING CONFEDERATE FLAGS they got everywhere and stop pronouncing "toilet" as "terlet," then maybe I'll cut them a little slack on turning off the radio when the Star-Spangled Banner en español comes on.  But not one second before then.

Clearly, waking up at 5:30am was a wise choice.

Comments

[senay]

To Arron:
Re: Lee Greenwood

David Cross had the last word on that awful, awful song.

[ARRON]

Senay, I believe this is the "last word" (mp3) of which you speak. And yes, he certainly had it.

[senay]

9-11 remix.

[Sarah]

You know that the melody of the national anthem was originally a drinking song?

Here were the original lyrics.

I sing these words every fourth of July.